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by Susan Anne Santo

Rating: PG-13

This story takes place while Barbie and Ken are dolls.

Lightning struck; the wind howled. Ryan drove down the road in driving rain so hard he could barely see, his windshield wipers on. He was lost. Somewhere along the way he had taken the wrong road and now he had no idea where he was. The unfamiliar road stretched on ahead. Ryan was wearing a pink shirt and gray pants. He saw a large sign ahead of him that read Barbieland with an arrow pointing. He drove the car where it indicated. He had no idea what sort of town Barbieland was, but he hoped it was welcoming. Suddenly the sun was shining and the sky was a vivid blue. He had no idea how the weather could have turned so suddenly but he was glad. He drove ahead and saw a group of young men and women playing volleyball. All of them were amazingly good looking. They turned and smiled at him, and he waved and smiled back. He was driving alongside a white sand beach. He blinked in astonishment. The ocean waves beside it were made of hard plastic.
Suddenly ahead of him he saw the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. He gasped. She had gorgeous long blond hair and an amazing body. She was wearing a pink and white summer dress and was talking to a young man with bleached blond hair. “No, you cannot stay over tonight,” she said. “It’s girl’s night out.”
“Every night is girl’s night out,” the young man complained. He was wearing a blue jean sleeveless outfit, with the shirt open to show his tanned chest.
“That’s right. I’m having a big party with dancing and music.”
Ryan stopped the car and got out. He smiled at the girl. “Hey, girl,” he said in his most seductive tone, “are you beautiful or is this a mirage?”
“Hi,” the girl said. “I’m Barbie. This is Ken.”
Ryan went to her. “I’m Ryan.” He took her in his arms, lifted her up, and gave her a passionate kiss. The stubble of a beginning beard rubbed against her face. She fell instantly in love with him. He set her down.
Ken was staring. He could not believe the way Ryan had just suddenly kissed Barbie, without a moment of hesitation, and she had even kissed him back.

Barbie did not seem the slightest bit annoyed. “Take off your shirt,” she commanded.
Ryan obeyed, holding his shirt and smiling. His abs were rock hard.
“Wow,” Barbie said, “it’s like you’re photoshopped.”
“I’m photoshopped too,” Ken said, jealous. He pulled his open shirt more open. “See, I’m photoshopped.”
The girl ignored him. “You are gorgeous. You must do tons of exercise to look that way.”
“I do exercises too,” Ken noted.
Ryan addressed Ken. “You know, you and I look sort of alike.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Barbie said. “You two don’t look at all alike. Ken has hair bleached so blond it’s almost white. Ken wears open shirts. Ken doesn’t have facial hair. Ryan has sandy hair. Ryan wears buttoned up shirts. Ryan has the beginnings of a beard.”
“You have eyes as blue as the sky and hair as golden as the sun,” Ryan said.
Barbie smiled, well pleased.
“Can I put my shirt back on?”
“No.”
“Look at me, Barbie,” Ken said. “I can surf.” He picked up the surfboard that was lying next to him and ran into the waves. The hard plastic struck him and he went soaring into the air to land flat on his back.
“Oh, Ken, always showing off,” Barbie sighed.
Doctor Barbie went to him and prodded him. “Get up. You’re not hurt.”
“Would you like to see my Dreamhouse?” Barbie said to Ryan. “It’s only a short distance from here.”
“I’d like to see anything owned by my Dream Girl,” Ryan said, smiling.
Ryan and Barbie went off, hand in hand.
Ken got up and ran after them.
“Ken, go away,” Barbie said, annoyed.
“I’m going with you. You think you can trust him? You don’t even know him.”
“How sweet,” Ryan said. “He’s protecting you from me.”
They went to the Dreamhouse. Inside Ryan and Ken sat down.
“Would you like something to drink?” Barbie asked Ryan.
“Please.”
She placed an empty glass in front of him. “Enjoy. I hope it quenches your thirst.”
“Barbie, this glass is empty,” Ryan observed.
“Yes,” she said. “Would you like some cookies? I made them this morning.”
“Sure,” Ryan said.
She placed a plate with three cookies in front of him.
Ryan picked one up and bit into it. It was hard as rock. “Barbie, this isn’t real.”
“That’s all we have here,” she said.
Ryan put his shirt back on but left it unbuttoned. He noticed a mirror sitting on the counter. He went over to look into it. Ryan always looked at every mirror he passed. That way he could admire his handsome reflection. But this time there was no reflection. He frowned.
“That’s not real either,” she said. She and Ryan talked all afternoon animatedly, as Ken sat there bored.
“What do you do for a living?” Ryan asked her.
“Oh, I’m not like the other Barbies. They have important jobs like President Barbie and Lawyer Barbie and Writer Barbie and Doctor Barbie. I’m stereotypical Barbie. I just look beautiful and try on cute clothes.”
“That’s good enough for me,” Ryan said. “What do the men do?”
“Oh, the Kens just do Beach. That’s all they’re suited for really. And they’re made to please us women.”
“Wow,” Ryan said. “It seems I have stumbled upon a feminist utopia.”
She smiled. “What do you do?”
“I’m an actor. I act in movies.”
“What’s a movie?”
“You don’t know what a movie is?” Ryan said, astonished.
Ken shook his head, equally befuddled.
“I play a part. We act out a story that is filmed. Then millions of people watch it on a big screen. I’ve played a stunt driver, a high school teacher who’s addicted to drugs, a husband caught in a terrible marriage, a womanizer, a replicant without emotions, a dumb detective, a wife killer, an assistant district attorney, an astronaut, a jazz pianist.”
“I don’t know what those things are,” Barbie said, “but it sounds fascinating.” Evening was approaching. “Ken, get up and let people in as they arrive for the party.” Barbie and Ryan went into the living room spacious enough for the dance.
Ken went to the non-existent door. The first to arrive was an attractive black woman.
“This is President Barbie,” Barbie said as the woman came into the room and smiled at Ryan.
“Hey, girl,” Ryan said smoothly, “I don’t know what else you govern, but you govern my heart.”
“Sweet. Is he your new boyfriend, Barbie?” President Barbie asked. She shook Ryan’s hand. “Good choice.”
One by one the Barbies and Kens came in.
“This is Doctor Barbie,” Barbie said.
“Hey, girl,” Ryan said, “I’m sick as hell but I hope you can heal my heart.”
“Smooth,” she said, well impressed. Doctor Barbie went over and turned on the music.
“Dance with me,” Ryan said to Barbie. She nodded. He took her into his arms.
Ken watched, seething. Ryan was a graceful dancer. He moved smoothly and with certainty. He swung Barbie around and around. They danced up a storm till everyone was watching them. He lifted her up in his arms and carried her around the room. “Everyone seems to love him,” Ken said to Simu Ken.
“Are you jealous? Watch this.” Simu Ken jumped up and did a back flip in the air. “Can you do that?” he said to Ryan.
“No. You should win a prize.” Ryan smiled to show there were no hard feelings.
“Say, you’re all right. What’s the matter with you, Ken? This guy is great.”
Ken frowned and went outside, leaving the party. After awhile everyone else had left too. Only Ryan and Barbie remained.
Ryan leaned over and gave Barbie a passionate kiss. Then he put Barbie’s hand against his crotch so she could feel he was aroused. “Hey, girl,” he said invitingly. “Bedtime?”
“You bet,” she said.
Ryan went and sat on her bed. “Take off your dress.”
She did so, lifting it over her head. She hung the dress up in the closet.
“Come here,” Ryan said. He set her on his lap and undid her pink bra. His hands caressed the smooth skin of her breasts. He put one hand inside her silky pink underwear and explored. His face took on a peculiar expression.
“I’m not anatomically correct,” Barbie said brightly. “I don’t have a vagina.”
“I gathered that.” He pushed her aside so she was sitting on the bed and got up. “I have to be going now.”
“Already?” Barbie said, disappointed.
“I have to be at the studio very early in the morning. We’re filming a movie called Barbie. I have to get my hair bleached and my body dyed so it looks like a suntan. I have to wax off the hair on my face, arms, and my legs.”
“Will I see you again?”
“Probably not. Hey, girl, is that a tear in your eye? Or are you just wet from the surf?” He smiled and went out.
After a while Barbie stopped crying and got up. She went outside where she found Ken standing by the ocean, looking into the waves. She put her arm around his waist. Surprised, he returned the gesture, putting his arm around her waist.
“Hey, boy,” Barbie said. “Guess I’m glad to see you.”
“I love you,” Ken whispered.
“I know,” she said.
THE END

Discussion Questions

1. What did you think was funny in this story?
2. What would have made it even funnier?
   
   Copyright 2024 by Susan A. Santo
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