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By Susan Anne Santo. Rating: R. Ryan has been to Barbie Land once and wants to go there again. 

Ryan Gosling was making the movie “La La Land.” They had been filming all afternoon and he was tired. He wanted to go home but first he had to do the scene where Mia sees Sebastian playing piano in the bar. “Okay, it’s time to play Mia and Sebastian’s Theme,” the director said.
Ryan placed his fingers on the keyboard and began to play. Shortly he made a mistake. He made another. In frustration he took his hands off the keys.
“Haven’t you been practicing?” the director said.
Ryan sighed. “I’ve practiced four hours a day every day for three months. I just can’t get it right. I’m going home.” In frustration Ryan marched out. He emerged in front of the studio where a crowd of fans was waiting for him.
The crowd mobbed him, surrounded him, shouting, “Ryan, Ryan, sign my autograph. Give me a hug. Give me a kiss. Ryan!” Their eager bodies pressed against him and he felt a surge of fear. Hands reaching out touching him, stroking him. A middle aged woman stuck her hand in his pants into his underwear and gripped his penis hard. Stunned, he pulled away from her.
“Leave me alone!” He drew back. “I will sign autographs but you must stop touching me. I don’t like to be touched.” Reluctantly the crowd drew back. He signed autographs until his fingers hurt from clenching the pen. “Okay, everyone?” They shouted his name, menacingly reached out hands to touch him again. He fled. Into his car. He had to get away from here. There were too many demands on him, too much adulation. He was not enjoying the dancing, the acting, the singing, the piano playing. He made too many mistakes. And his fans were destroying him with their obsessive love. He drove to Barbie Land. There alone could he have peace. He had been there once before, had met Barbie and Ken. There were no demands on him there, only the beautiful Barbie and the somewhat dense Ken.
“Ken!” Barbie came up to his car as he drove to a halt. “What are you doing driving?”
“I’m not Ken. I’m Ryan.” He got out.
“Is that why your hair is a different color? I like it.” She smiled.
“Can I stay here for a while? Everyone wants too much from me and I’m tired.”
“Of course you can stay here.”
Ken drew away from the volleyball game he had been playing and came over. “What’s going on?”
Ryan turned to him. “Ken, you need to go into the Real World and make “La La Land” for me. It’s a movie.”
“What’s a movie?” Ken said curiously.
Ryan explained.
“Oh. Okay. What will you do?”
“I’m staying here.”
“Come on,” Simu Ken said to him. “Let’s go beach.”
Ryan went with him.
Ken went to the Real World the usual doll way. The director found him emerging from Barbie Land in his roller blades.
“Ryan, what kind of getup are you wearing? How come you bleached your hair?”
“I’m not Ryan, I’m Ken.”
“Sure you are. I like the blond hair. Come change your clothes and practice piano.” After Ken got dressed in a hotel room the director took him to the studio where a piano waited.
The piano teacher motioned to Ken to come over to the bench. “Here’s what you need to play.” She played Mia and Sebastian’s theme. “Watch my hands. Now you try it.”
Ken sat beside her. He mimicked her and played the theme perfectly. Ken was very musical and had no trouble at all with it. The teacher was astonished. She stared at him.
“Great! We’re ready to film,” the director said.
Meanwhile Ryan was discovering that his job was beach. Not lifeguard, just standing there on the beach. “This is ridiculous,” he complained. He shifted uncomfortably, standing on the fake sand looking into the fake plastic waves.
“Show me how you do beach, Ryan,” Barbie teased. She was standing looking provocative and beautiful. He loved her long hair, her beautiful breasts.
For answer he came over to her, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her passionately on the lips. He nibbled her cheek, her shoulder. He bit her gently, playfully.
She melted and kissed him back. “Come to my Dreamhouse.” Once there she was the aggressor. “Come over to the bed, gorgeous.” She sat him down on the bed, unbuttoned his shirt, and ran her hands down his chest, down his chiseled abs. She scratched him lightly with her fingernails. She pinched his nipples hard. He gasped. She took off his pants and caressed his thighs, reached into his underwear and caressed his hips. She took off his underwear and exclaimed at the size of his penis. Barbie was not familiar with male anatomy. He was aroused. He wanted her desperately. She caressed him all over. He was moaning, aroused, his breathing hard. He undressed her and soon discovered she could not have intercourse as she was a doll. She was not anatomically correct much to his disappointment. But she pushed him down onto the bed and fondled his penis hard until he stiffened and climaxed. He slept in her arms.
Ken was filming the scene where he and actress Emma Stone as Mia watched a movie.
“Now lean toward her as if to kiss her,” the director said.
“Really?” Ken had never kissed anyone in his life.
“Really.”
Ken’s heart was pounding. He leaned toward Emma and she leaned toward him. Their mouths almost met.
“Now we film the scene of dancing in the park.” The scenes were being shot out of order.
Emma put on a yellow dress. Ken was wearing nice pants, a nice shirt buttoned up. The choreographer led them through the dance. Ken did it perfectly the very first time. He could tap dance and do ballroom dancing. They sang a song as they danced. Ken was a really good singer.
“You say your name is Ken?” the director said. “You’re much better than Ryan.”
The dance scene was soon complete. They filmed it in one take. Ken went outside to go back to the hotel.
“Ryan, Ryan!” the crowd awaited him. “What did you do to your hair? We like it.”
They reached out and touched him. Ken was uneasy. He pulled away. The director came and got him and drove him to the hotel. Ken spent a restless night in a very comfortable bed. He was used to sleeping on the beach and this was new to him. I wonder what Ryan is doing, he thought. Good thing Barbie isn’t interested in me, I can’t imagine she’d be interested in Ryan.
Barbie and Ryan were having what sex they could master again. She had woken him up to do so. “I like touching you,” Barbie said. “You feel good. Ken loves me. Do you love me?”
“I like you a lot,” Ryan said.
“I love you, Ryan.” She pleasured him with her hands and her mouth and he climaxed again.
He was made a little uneasy by her statement for he had no intention of staying in Barbieland. She would have to learn how to do without him.
The next day the director filmed the scene of Sebastian and Mia dancing at the astronomical observatory. Again Ken did it perfectly. They lifted him and Emma on wires so that they were dancing among the stars. When they came down the director asked him to kiss Emma in earnest.
Ken was nervous, more than nervous, scared to death. He felt hot all over. He inclined his head and Emma gave him a deep kiss. Her lips pressed against his. He trembled. It felt good, more than good. There were more kissing scenes to be filmed, and Ken was enjoying being kissed. The movie was soon finished due to Ken’s expert performance and he went back to Barbieland. He liked Emma, she was kind to him, but she wasn’t Barbie. He missed Barbie. He loved her so much.
In Barbieland Ryan had had enough and was ready to go home. Practicing beach was boring. He found Simu Ken a real jerk. He got along with Allan but they didn’t have much in common. He found he missed the kind of adulation that he had in the Real World and he missed acting. And he missed sexual intercourse with a real woman. He missed Eva of course. He and Eva had been secretly married. He had texted her to tell her he would be away for a few days. Now he texted her that he was coming back.
Ken arrived in his rollerblades. “I did the movie for you. It went great. They said I was a natural.”
“Thanks, Ken,” Ryan said. He got in his car and drove off.
“Hey, Barbie,” Ken said.
“Hey, Ken.”
He went to her, put his arms around her, and gave her a passionate kiss.
Barbie was astonished. Maybe she wouldn’t miss Ryan as much as she thought! He had certainly learned something out there in the Real World. She hugged him and kissed him back.